We ended last time with this idea that independence and motivation are more interlinked than we probably realize. To remain motivated, one must remain independent, and I would argue vice versa. To remain independent, you must be motivated; and as I said before, you cannot have one without the other.
I would like to take this time to talk about independence. I think we can define independence as the will or desire to be self-sufficient. For now, I think a loose definition of self-sufficient will suffice for now; meaning you are in a place where you are able to take care of yourself, being able to feed yourself, clothe yourself, understanding of how to budget your money so if you had or you do have a job where you could be … independent … you are.
Most adults take care of themselves to one degree or another; but I think I should make this distinction. You can still be reliant on someone and still be independent. How? Glad you asked…
For independence you need more than desire
Being independent, like I said, having the will or desire to be self-sufficient, it does not mean that you are, it means you desire it. To be independent means you are those things, if someone is independent, it means they have gone above the desire and have worked towards actions to make it so.
I realize now that my definition does not necessarily quite work, but we will work on it as time goes on. Anyways … you get the idea (I hope) that the word independence and being independent are two different things… that does not sound right either…
Okay so then maybe what I am trying to get at is the desire to be independent and being independent are two different things. That sounds better. Because the definition cannot change based on circumstance.
So, then Independence must therefore be being in a state of self-sufficiency. Meaning in one way or another you are fully capable and competent to do one thing or another. So then what we need to do now is make distinctions.
Most adults can feed themselves, they are independent from help, or rely on it. Most adults can dress themselves; they are independent from the help of others to dress themselves, or they must rely on other people to do it. Most children are financially reliant on their parents to buy food, buy clothing, so the children then can feed and clothe themselves.
So, then you can be independent of your parents, but be reliant on your spouse, significant other, or family member. Being independent can mean a whole host of different things then, and clarifying what you are independent from, or lack thereof, will partially determine your motivation.
Now there can also be a mix of independence and dependence, for example, the middle-aged adult still living with their parents. Is this a problem? Not necessarily.
I am not here to judge, get out of your parents’ basement.
What?
Nothing. Anyway.
Adults who are living with their parents could be considered independent in matter of speaking, they do not need help eating, dressing, or managing their schedule. Yet they are dependent financially for any number of reasons. I knew someone who fell in love, they got married, and moved to another country. France, I think. They got divorced, she stayed and kicked him out. He moved back to the states and had to live with his parents and start his live all over. Absolutely terrible to say the least, but at least he had his parents to fall back on. Eventually he became independent again.
So just because you are living with your parents does not necessarily mean it is all bad.
What is the message of this post you might ask? That defining independence is harder than it sounds. And a few weeks early for Independence Day. Maybe we will talk more about independence around 4th of July… stay tuned!
What do you think of independence? What does it mean to you?
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